this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize