Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
