I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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