Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
it hurts more in the daytime
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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