she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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