Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
