dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
