Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
