I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
