I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
