My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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