You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
