how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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