When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My life is pants optional.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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