There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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