My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
