Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
