The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
