Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
