Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
