I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
