ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
