Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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