Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
