You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
