good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
