You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
