i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
