You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
