I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
