goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
