i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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