yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
