It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
