fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I will be naked everywhere
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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