Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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