You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You need Xanax blowdarts
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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