thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
