you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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