I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
