we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
