I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
