thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
