I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
