Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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