He kissed a someone with a penis
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
