it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
