Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
