My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
