nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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