I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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