i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
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I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize