just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
