piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When are your genitals available?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
