Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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