Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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