dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
