If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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