My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
