My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
