she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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