hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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