I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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