I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
