...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
