i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
