Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
