I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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