I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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