Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
