my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need a beard to bite.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
