Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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